Month 4

Dear Meredith,

Four Months! Wowza! This last month you have just continued to grow, learn, and fill our lives with wonder. I find it astounding how much you have changed in just four months time. Your dad and I were looking at photos recently of when you were first born and we were simply amazed at the transformation that has occurred. Each month with you gets better and better!

Last month you found you hands and this month you have gotten so good at using them! You grab for toys, bottles, our faces and anything else that you desire with ease now (usually grabbing is followed by eating!). While you are continuing to master the use of your hands, you have made another wonderful discovery…your feet. You pull on your toes, stare at them, play with them and use them to play with your toys tirelessly. The first evening you discovered them we were up until 11:30 because you were so interested in the new discovery at the end of your legs you couldn’t possibly go to sleep! Some mornings I check on you and you smile at me, happily holding your feet in the air. Each day you are excited that you still have them! We all could learn a lesson from you on being thankful for the small blessings in life.

Your strong desire to stare at your feet has encouraged yet another milestone, sitting. For a few minutes at a time you are able to sit all by yourself! This new position gives you the perfect angle to gaze at and play with your toes. Your dad and I laugh because in order to maintain a semi-upright position you have to lean on one or both of your hands, which causes you to sit as a gorilla. Oh, monkey baby, you crack us up!

The laughing you started last month has not ceased. You laugh all the time. There is no greater sound and I love that the sound of your glee fills the house (laugher, excited squeals, I love all of it!). My favorite parts of my day (actually, they are the best moments of my life) are sitting with you and laughing until we both have the hiccups. I pray that we will always be able to do this, that when you are grown we will share a pot of coffee or a bottle of wine and laugh ourselves silly (though I assume by that time we won’t be laughing about silly noises I make…but who knows).

This month you started day-care. You have been going for one half-day a week while I prepare my classroom. I am hoping that this will allow both of us some practice before you start going full time in September. The first time I dropped you off I had hoped that I would not start crying until I was back in the car. No such luck. I was crying, loudly, in the street and then was almost unable to drive I was so upset. I then, drove myself to McDonald's and ordered (and consumed) $15 of food (I have told this story to some and they assume I am exaggerating the amount I ate – let it be known, no hyperbole here!). Mommy needs to find a new way to cope or we will both have fat bracelets. Meredith, just writing about returning to work now as you sleep on my chest makes me cry and soak your head with my big tears. My heart aches because I will not be spending my days with you soon. Your daddy and I have found a lovely woman whom we trust will take good care of you, but that does not make this easy. Please know that I am returning to work for a few reasons 1) it is financially best for our family and 2) I do like my job. I love teaching and have always looked forward to a long career. I hope you will benefit from growing up in a home that both your mommy and daddy have work that is gratifying and challenging. As the day to go to work creeps closer, I dread it more and more, and if I had the option today I would choose to stay home with you longer. I am so sorry for all the things I will miss and for the tears you will cry that I won’t be able to kiss away. I will not love you less nor will there be a minute that goes by that I do not think of you.

You continue to sleep through the night (yahoo!) but you had a rough patch for about a week this month. During this time, the only thing that would get any of us rest was to bring you in bed with Daddy and I. The books, the judge-y other parents, and the internet all warn against this once you have conqured sleeping on your own and claim that it will ruin your sleeping habits. Want to know a secret? They are wrong! You are once again able to sleep in your crib, and I loved having you snuggled close to me through the night and your tiny fingers rubbing my face as you slept. It is comforting to both of us.

Here’s to the adventures and the milestones to come! We love you Punkey!

Love,
Mommy