Month 5

Dear Meredith,

First, I must apologize that this letter is a bit late. So much has happened in the last month and frankly; I have fallen a bit behind. Do let me explain. On September first, I returned to work. We had a fabulous 4.5 months home together, but, as I have explained before, for the financial well being of our family, and because I do enjoy my job, I returned for the beginning of this school year. Being back at work is the reason this letter is a bit late, basically, when I do have any free time would prefer to spend it with you, rather than write about my time with you.

Returning to work is the hardest thing I have ever done. Those first few nights when I knew I would be leaving you the next day I sobbed myself to sleep – if sleep ever came. People would try to re-assure me that you would in fact be fine. However, I was not only worried about you, I was scared to be without you for my sake as well, and I just could not fathom being okay without you. Thankfully, your Grandma Goldin came to stay with us my first week at work. It was nice to not have to worry about you while I was at work (I still missed you!). That week was so special for the two of you. You were really able to bond with your Grandma that week. Your grandma told me that the best part of that week is that she will remember it for the rest of her life, but that it was sad because she knew you would not. I think that while you won’t remember the details of that week, you will not lose the bond that you two formed while she was here.

Starting you at day-care brought on all new worries for me. However, in no time at all you had adjusted! You now are happy to be there, playing hard, eating like a champ, and having the time of your life watching the other kids there play. It gives me peace of mind knowing you are happy there.

While I no longer worry about you at day-care every moment of every day, I do still miss you. I had no idea that a person could actually ache for another, but that is how I feel while I am at work. I love my job, but I ache for you when we are apart. Evenings and weekends are so much more precious to me now that you are apart of our family.

On top of the adjustments to our daily schedule, you of course are changing every minute! You now have your first tooth (and the second is going to break through any day now!). One night a friend of mine called and she asked how I was. I responded, “We are teething and it is hard work.” She laughed at me and asked if everything these days was spoken about using the “royal “we”. At the time I apologized, but thinking about it after, it is true. When you were teething, and in pain, it meant that your father and I too suffered – not because we were more tired because you struggled to sleep or because you were fussing, but because it hurts us to see you hurt. When you are happy we are also happy – not because our job is a little easier, but because there is no greater sound than you laugh and seeing you smile brings us joy. Never before have my emotions been so closely tied to another’s. Please forgive me if I sound pathetic. If I had read those statements just a few months ago I would have scoffed a bit and probably ridiculed the writer for their lack of a sense of self – how silly I was then!

For now, allow me to end this letter so we can continue to hang out! Who wants to write when there is bouncing and giggling to be done?!

Loving you is the very best thing I have ever done. I am so blessed.

Love,
Mommy